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[personal profile] jade_sabre
So today I was reading the comments on the latest installment of Kyoshi Hold 'Em (shiperrific crack fun) and someone was laughing at the idea of Aang going through puberty, and said it would like Azula getting her period. So I tried to write crackfic and then kind of failed, but I was pleased enough with the results to repost them here, with minimal editing. Also unbeta'd, so comma abuse probably abounds.

Title: idk, "End of the Innocence" or something, 'cause it's ironic
Author: Meeeeee
Rating: G unless you're a boy easily grossed out by casual mentions of girls gushing blood

Azula woke up, and there was blood on her bed.

She immediately suspected an assassination attempt, except that logic failed her at the point where she had apparently failed to wake up for said attempt. Unless, of course, she had killed the assassin in her sleep, which was a distinct possibility. She smiled at the thought.

Still, there remained the problem of blood on her bed. If she had been Ty Lee she would have screamed, and if she had been Mai she would have assumed that she had practiced her knife skills on the house guards and then cleaned her knives on her bedsheets while sleepwalking again. If she had been Zuko she would have run crying to Mommy before remembering that Mommy Was Gone and then locked herself in her room to cry all day again--the palace had been unusually dry-eyed since his exile, the silence from his bedroom almost unnerving. But she was Azula, and Azula had no need for intermediaries. She bathed--noting traces of blood on her legs, a puzzling development--and allowed her attendants to dress her normally before departing from her rooms to the public part of the palace, where she requested an audience with the Fire Lord. Once the guards permitted entrance, she discovered her father having court with his generals, and a small thrill went through her, as it always did, that he would interrupt such proceedings for her.

"Princess Azula," her father said, "I sincerely hope this matter is important."

She would have straightened, had her posture been anything less than perfect, but instead she merely inclined her head and said, "Of the utmost importance, Father. Someone has attempted to murder me in my sleep."

The crackling of the increased flames broke the silence that followed while the generals kept their gazes carefully trained forward to avoid looking guilty. The Fire Lord's voice was neutral as he said, "And what proof do you have of this?"

"Blood, sir. On my bedsheets this morning."

One general's eyebrows narrowed, and the Fire Lord said, "Is there something you wish to say?"

"Confess, more likely," Azula muttered.

The general coughed and said, "Fire Lord, you are...a man of the world, and if you'll permit me to say, the princess has reached a certain age where perhaps..."

The tension threading through the generals suddenly snapped, and more than one exchanged an amused glance. Fury coursed through Azula's veins, and she waited for her father to punish them for ignoring the severity of the situation. Instead, the Fire Lord settled back in his chair, the frown on his face strange--regretful? Surely he hadn't--Azula sternly ordered herself to avoid such treasonous thoughts. Even if he had, it would only be to test her strength, and in that regard, she would never fail him.

"I see," he said at last. "Princess Azula, bring your tale to Li and Lo. They will assist you in determining the cause of your ailment."

"It is not ailment, Father, I--"

"Princess Azula," he said, in his tone of dismissal, and Azula inclined her head and clicked her heels as she executed a perfect about-face, more concerned about the fact that her face wanted to tremble instead of seethe with rage.

Of course, once Li and Lo, standing outside her bedroom door, explained what was happening--and what would happen, for her foreseeable future--her cheeks burned as hot as her fire. That all her father's generals--his male generals--had known something so--so intimate about herself and she had not, that in their heads they laughed at her humiliation--

"It is the sort of thing your mother would have told you, had she been here," Li said, in the causal way that belied the fact that Li and Lo were the only people left in the palace who spoke of the absent Fire Lady.

"She is not here, and I don't need her here, when you two seem perfectly capable of telling me everything," Azula said tartly. "She hardly would have been as timely."

The two old women exchanged looks, and Azula, tired of people exchanging looks at her expense, ordered them out of her presence by slamming her door in their faces. She turned and saw the offending bedsheets still on her bed, and so she burned them. This resulted in her entire bed, engulfed in flames, collapsing; she couldn't help but see it as fitting. It was her childhood bed, the one where her mother had tucked in her at night, where Zuko had come running with his nightmares; and as Li and Lo had said, she was a woman now. A woman who would one day sit on a throne and look down upon a table of generals and dare them to laugh at her.

Azula smiled, and her room burned.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-06-15 06:41 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nessismore.livejournal.com
lol forever <3

Um...and I'm a girl and I'm totally grossed out by casual mentions of girls gushing blood (and knowing that I do it, too). So there.

First paragraph=love.

Also, I would have hoped that Li/Lo would have explained puberty to her at some point? Or that perhaps Mai would have hit puberty before her (because Ty Lee is an acrobat and apparently they start puberty later?) and would have said something? Then again, it's Mai and she probably wouldn't have said anything at all. Did I have a point to this? Other than to say that I thought this was awesome? Because it is.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-06-15 04:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jade-sabre-301.livejournal.com
why is everyone loling IT IS SERIOUS ART PPL.

maaaaaaaaan the sisterhood is just letting me down today.

also I'm sure people dropped hints, but you think anyone actually bothered to explain it to her/Azula had the patience to listen to people explaining it?

lolthankee

(no subject)

Date: 2010-06-15 12:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bluestalking.livejournal.com
Rating: G unless you're a boy easily grossed out by casual mentions of girls gushing blood

I am not a boy. But still. This phrase.

AND IT IS NOT A CASUAL MENTION IT IS THE WHOLE THING

(no subject)

Date: 2010-06-15 04:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jade-sabre-301.livejournal.com
I thought about adding "but not from like deep sword wounds or anything epic and interesting like that, sorry."

BUT THE BLOOD IS ONLY AT THE BEGINNING.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-06-15 04:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] philia-fan.livejournal.com
(It is, of course, all ABOUT the blood.)

But I am not grossed out, and I enjoyed it.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-06-16 04:57 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jade-sabre-301.livejournal.com
man, this comment spawned a whole sidetrack in my head about the differing levels of realism--like, there's the story that doesn't mention periods at all, there's the story that doesn't mention them but there are subtle indications that it's happening, there's the story where they're mentioned but they never really actually affect what's going on (like, the women have periods, but they never have mood swings or anything), and then you could mention them AND have them affect the story's rhythms.

and then you have, like, actual blood making an appearance, and then you have descriptions of the strange wriggly visceral sensations, which is its own layer, and it's the sort of thing where if you wrote an entire book that involved that layer of detail, it would be the kind of book only about one hour, and specific instances within that hour, or something.

/sidetrack

...Philia it just occurred to me that your comment could perhaps be taken on two different levels, in which case I love you even more because that means you saw past the parts that are making everyone laugh. And, uh, even if you didn't, you made ME see a theme that I didn't even realize could be construed, and I still love you even more. <3

(no subject)

Date: 2010-06-16 12:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] philia-fan.livejournal.com
Um....your comment is a bit cryptic, but I didn't think it was laughable (just had some funny, smileable lines), if that helps.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-06-16 04:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jade-sabre-301.livejournal.com
okay, re: the blood part: the fic is about Azula getting her period, yes, but the undercurrents are all about blood--i.e., her blood relations, and how screwed up that is. (It helps if you know that by the end of the series she goes completely insane and the last thing she sees before she snaps is a hallucination in her mirror of her mother saying "I love you.") but it feels like everyone is taking the surface lulz and missing the whole screwed-up-family dynamics thing. Which is okay if you don't know the series.

the rest of my comment was like me musing about literature in general and How Periods Are Handled and what that suggests about the level of--not realism, but something like that, which the author wants to convey? Because like, frankly, when working on my princess story I do not have Henny's cycle all planned out such that I can go "ah-ha, on this day for this scene she will be particularly moody because she is PMSing!" Like, that kind of thing doesn't seem to factor into [fantasy] YA novels as much. And right now I am mostly thinking of Tamora Pierce, who does spend time discussing periods, but mostly as a way to say "here's your birth control, congrats, you can have sex now!" (Okay so that's really just Alanna, but still.) (And okay Alanna was like the first female heroine of her type so I understand why that happened, but I don't even remember Daine ever dealing with that and Kel was boring/made out with the big tall clumsy guy I cared little to nothing for so I don't remember that part.)

Or then you have Gemma Doyle, with like her historically-accurate not-getting-her-period-until-she's-sixteen, which threw me because a) I wrongly assumed she was already getting it and b) she, like, faints? Or something ridiculously dramatic and I was like WHAT IS GOING--wait what?

...I think I just need to make a separate post about this and make everyone even more uncomfortable. :-b

(no subject)

Date: 2010-06-16 05:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] philia-fan.livejournal.com
I don't know the series, but I got the screwed up family and the assassins and all.

I know, I know. (Kel did a whole getting her period, birth control thing, too, it was dull) I think it is a very inconvenient topic. I debated with myself about writing in periods, too, but the trouble is it is very hard to make it interesting (You have done an awesome job of that here), or more importantly, relevant to the story. You feel like, how can you ignore it, but then NOT ignoring it becomes all clunky and in the way -- just like the reality. Well, props to Louise Fitzhugh for The Long Secret, one of the funniest getting-one's-period books ever.

(re fainting, I USED TO FAINT sometimes when I got my period. Man was that annoying! It happened about three or four times)

(no subject)

Date: 2010-06-16 07:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jade-sabre-301.livejournal.com
oh yay.

(That's because Kel was dull! I mean what.)

You feel like, how can you ignore it, but then NOT ignoring it becomes all clunky and in the way -- just like the reality.
Yes, that's exactly what I was trying to say, in a very round-about way. It's just such a hassle. But I will search out that book and read it!

(I STAND CORRECTED, although the way it happened in the book was still ridiculous and, like, I thought maybe the bad guys were attacking or something, but instead she was just...bleeding out the contents of her uterus. :-b)

(no subject)

Date: 2010-06-15 09:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tiegirl.livejournal.com
Awww. Poor thing. Imagine her embarrassment. How can everyone be laughing? >:

I liked it! (the blood is all over this one though; everyone's right about that)

(no subject)

Date: 2010-06-16 04:58 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jade-sabre-301.livejournal.com
because she is Scary Evil Psychopath, brought low and made a fool by basic biology. As we all are, from time to time. :-b

heehee yay!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-06-16 04:24 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] styromgalleries.livejournal.com
Love it! I loled and felt bad for Azula at the same time. That third paragraph killed me. *pets Zuzu* And this line: Unless, of course, she had killed the assassin in her sleep, which was a distinct possibility. She smiled at the thought.

P.S. If this comment or one like it shows up three times, forgive me. My internet is wonky right now and it keeps acting like it's not posting it. :)

(no subject)

Date: 2010-06-16 04:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jade-sabre-301.livejournal.com
yesssssssssssssssssssssss third paragraph was my favorite. *high-fives*

also one of the comments suggested I go all, drabble series about Azula sans Zuko, and someone else pointed out that when Zuko was exiled, he and Azula were still children, and so the next time they saw each other they were young adults. OM. NOM NOM.

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