I THOUGHT I WAS FAILING BAD seriously the moment when Alistair was like "if you spare him I'll leave" my heart dropped to my stomach and I was like HO SHIT, I DID NOT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO FAIL SO HARD AT THIS GAME. But then Loghain was in my party and I was like LOGHAIN, YOU ARE FUCKING AWESOME, AND YOUR DAUGHTER IS BADASS, AND I CERTAINLY DON'T MISS ALISTAIR AT ALL, DAMMIT WHY DIDN'T I KNOW ABOUT THE HARDENING OPTION
(not that Laemira would be his mistress, but still IT'S THE PRINCIPLE OF THE THING)
and so anyway Loghain made it through to the end of the game and I got to be all YOUR DAUGHTER LOVES YOU and he was like I knoooooooooow and I was like MAC TIR FAMILY, CAN I JOIN YOU? Except then I would have to marry Loghain and I--idk if Laemira is ready for would do that.
also wait WHY did Alistair dump your ass? You were a Cousland! What did you do wrong? Was it trying to spare Loghain's life? Does simply entertaining the thought screw you over that much? PLEASE SATISFY MY CURIOSITY ON THIS SUBJECT, I WANT TO KNOW.
also it, um, helped that I did the Circle before I did Redcliffe, so that option was immediately available. (To be fair, my sister just killed Connor because she thought Jowan would screw up on her and she didn't know about the third option, and so after watching that horrific scene I explained to her how gifts work, and who should receive what. She is trying to bang both Alistair and Leliana, which is weird because her character and Leliana's character could be twins, awkward.)
ALSO I figured that the whole Morrigan thing was for Couslands what the post-Landsmeet breakup was for EVERY OTHER CHARACTER: a moment where the game says HERE IS A SLIGHTLY AMORAL OUT, YOU MIGHT WANT TO TAKE IT and the player says something like NO I WANT ALISTAIR TO BE KING or NO I AM NOT GOING TO SUBJECT THE LOVE OF MY LIFE TO MORRIGAN'S BANGINGS, and then three or four hours later you find out that OSNAP YOU OR ALISTAIR IS NOW DEAD and you're like WHAT RAGE THAT'S NOT EVEN I THOUGHT I WAS DOING THE RIGHT THING BUT WHAT RAGE AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH
I mean, I was livid over the post-Landsmeet breakup because it was so freaking generic and also NONSENSICAL because HELLO, I KNOW YOU JOKE ABOUT HAVING KIDS WITH COUSLAND, DON'T THINK I DIDN'T HEAR ABOUT THAT and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh I feel your anger. I still feel it. (As much as I love Alistair, him leaving the party was like a giant de-stressor, because I'd known [without real spoilers, just a general mood thing] from the moment Eamon was like I SHALL MAKE YOU KING that he and Laemira weren't going to work out, and it was better to have him gone-gone then to have to sit there being like, WHY AREN'T WE TOGETHER, OH RIGHT, I HATE EVERYTHING.)
also yeah, Harrowmount. You know what killed me? That the dwarven section of the epilogue was the longest part of the epilogue, and all it did was say SO THE KING SCREWED UP AND THE CHANTRY SCREWED UP AND THE GOLEMS SCREWED UP AND BASICALLY THOSE DWARVES MANAGED TO FUCK THEMSELVES OVER FIVE SECONDS AFTER YOU LEFT and I was like ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, I FUCKING HATE THE DWARVES, I DON'T EVEN CARE. Although I sided against Branka straight-up, even though I thought she was badass, because making golems involves binding souls and Laemira is NOT OKAY WITH THAT SHIT. Did I mention that she hates blood magic? It's like, the one thing in the world she actually truly hates. (Which is part of the reason why I can't 100% decide if she would actually have Loghain and Morrigan go through the ritual--I suspect her strongest motivation was that it would 100% ensure that Loghain wouldn't die, because she, uh, is very fond of him. I hope Quark doesn't read this.)
oh right, 'cause "Laemira" is such an awesome name, easily pronounced without any extraneous letters
HOW DID YOU FAIL SO BAD
I THOUGHT I WAS FAILING BAD seriously the moment when Alistair was like "if you spare him I'll leave" my heart dropped to my stomach and I was like HO SHIT, I DID NOT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO FAIL SO HARD AT THIS GAME. But then Loghain was in my party and I was like LOGHAIN, YOU ARE FUCKING AWESOME, AND YOUR DAUGHTER IS BADASS, AND I CERTAINLY DON'T MISS ALISTAIR AT ALL, DAMMIT WHY DIDN'T I KNOW ABOUT THE HARDENING OPTION
(not that Laemira would be his mistress, but still IT'S THE PRINCIPLE OF THE THING)
and so anyway Loghain made it through to the end of the game and I got to be all YOUR DAUGHTER LOVES YOU and he was like I knoooooooooow and I was like MAC TIR FAMILY, CAN I JOIN YOU? Except then I would have to marry Loghain and I--idk if Laemira
is ready forwould do that.also wait WHY did Alistair dump your ass? You were a Cousland! What did you do wrong? Was it trying to spare Loghain's life? Does simply entertaining the thought screw you over that much? PLEASE SATISFY MY CURIOSITY ON THIS SUBJECT, I WANT TO KNOW.
also it, um, helped that I did the Circle before I did Redcliffe, so that option was immediately available. (To be fair, my sister just killed Connor because she thought Jowan would screw up on her and she didn't know about the third option, and so after watching that horrific scene I explained to her how gifts work, and who should receive what. She is trying to bang both Alistair and Leliana, which is weird because her character and Leliana's character could be twins, awkward.)
ALSO I figured that the whole Morrigan thing was for Couslands what the post-Landsmeet breakup was for EVERY OTHER CHARACTER: a moment where the game says HERE IS A SLIGHTLY AMORAL OUT, YOU MIGHT WANT TO TAKE IT and the player says something like NO I WANT ALISTAIR TO BE KING or NO I AM NOT GOING TO SUBJECT THE LOVE OF MY LIFE TO MORRIGAN'S BANGINGS, and then three or four hours later you find out that OSNAP YOU OR ALISTAIR IS NOW DEAD and you're like WHAT RAGE THAT'S NOT EVEN I THOUGHT I WAS DOING THE RIGHT THING BUT WHAT RAGE AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH
I mean, I was livid over the post-Landsmeet breakup because it was so freaking generic and also NONSENSICAL because HELLO, I KNOW YOU JOKE ABOUT HAVING KIDS WITH COUSLAND, DON'T THINK I DIDN'T HEAR ABOUT THAT and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh I feel your anger. I still feel it. (As much as I love Alistair, him leaving the party was like a giant de-stressor, because I'd known [without real spoilers, just a general mood thing] from the moment Eamon was like I SHALL MAKE YOU KING that he and Laemira weren't going to work out, and it was better to have him gone-gone then to have to sit there being like, WHY AREN'T WE TOGETHER, OH RIGHT, I HATE EVERYTHING.)
also yeah, Harrowmount. You know what killed me? That the dwarven section of the epilogue was the longest part of the epilogue, and all it did was say SO THE KING SCREWED UP AND THE CHANTRY SCREWED UP AND THE GOLEMS SCREWED UP AND BASICALLY THOSE DWARVES MANAGED TO FUCK THEMSELVES OVER FIVE SECONDS AFTER YOU LEFT and I was like ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, I FUCKING HATE THE DWARVES, I DON'T EVEN CARE. Although I sided against Branka straight-up, even though I thought she was badass, because making golems involves binding souls and Laemira is NOT OKAY WITH THAT SHIT. Did I mention that she hates blood magic? It's like, the one thing in the world she actually truly hates. (Which is part of the reason why I can't 100% decide if she would actually have Loghain and Morrigan go through the ritual--I suspect her strongest motivation was that it would 100% ensure that Loghain wouldn't die, because she, uh, is very fond of him.
I hope Quark doesn't read this.)