jade_sabre | first sentence meme

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first sentence meme

so this popped up on my f-list three times in quick succession, and I like it, so I'm doing it.

List the first lines of your last twenty stories. See if you find any patterns. (And flist, I'd love your opinions on patterns you notice.)

8/26/06—Elvis Challenge http://community.livejournal.com/katara_zuko/270638.html

9/14/06—Upon Seeing Hamlet http://community.livejournal.com/katara_zuko/296265.html

9/17/06—Kirschreiche’s challenge (drabble set) http://community.livejournal.com/katara_zuko/301511.html

9/29/06—Half-Sick of Shadows http://community.livejournal.com/theavatar100/264324.html

10/26/06—Meetings http://community.livejournal.com/queensthief_fic/1277.html

11/03/06—Experiment ch 1 (links for whole fic: http://community.livejournal.com/katara_zuko/538182.html )

12/04/06—Doubt http://community.livejournal.com/theavatar100/289369.html

2/10/07—Shuffle Challenge (drabble set) http://community.livejournal.com/katara_zuko/601171.html

3/04/07—In Her Head http://community.livejournal.com/queensthief_fic/3230.html

3/22/07—Imprisoned Thoughts http://community.livejournal.com/katara_zuko/662018.html

4/22/07—Sight http://community.livejournal.com/theavatar100/335398.html

5/16/07—Beauty http://community.livejournal.com/queensthief_fic/4821.html

5/19/07—Rainbow http://community.livejournal.com/katara_zuko/719063.html

9/19/07—The First http://community.livejournal.com/theavatar100/360302.html

11/26/07—Just Breathe http://community.livejournal.com/katara_zuko/900709.html

1/13/08—Each to Each http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4010913/1/Each_to_Each

1/24/08—Typical http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4031555/1/Typical

3/19/08—Not Yet By Lightning http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4142011/1/Not_Yet_by_Lightning

7/23/08ish—Zutara Week ’08 (drabble set) http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4795740/1/Zutara_Week_08

7/26/09—In Which Katara is Tied to a Tree http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5251753/1/In_Which_Katara_is_Tied_to_a_Tree

1) He walked among his city’s streets, and marveled at the difference a few short hours could make.

2) "Why? Why did you kill him?" the king demanded, his voice low and harsh.

3) The North Star is fixed; it doesn’t move, and Aang cannot for the life of him figure out how Sokka manages to get so off course during the night.

4) A brush of hands when no one's looking; a stifled giggle during an unseen game of footsie; kisses and whispers in the alcoves where the flickering torchlight barely penetrates the darkness; muffled groans behind bedroom curtains backlit by scented candles—

5) It was a rare time when Gen was in the boys’ dormitory alone, and it usually wasn’t a good thing.

6) They face each other in shadowy circumstances as they have done countless times before.

7) He sits on the edge of the bed, shoving his shaking hands through his hair, sticking it together in sweaty clumps, pale skin completely exposed, gleaming, in the moonlight.

8) This second battle was more of a dance than the first; both were more fluid in their movements, more sure of what they were trying to do.

9) Heiro would never really admit how much she liked dancing with the king.

10) Katara wasn’t sure why she was here, down in the dark, dripping dungeons of the Fire Nation palace complex.

11) It was a normal day, full of normal activities: harassing a few Fire Nation passers-by, eating lunch in the crook of a tall oak.

12) She sits at her desk, recopying a message for the fourth time.

13) There is a rainbow.

14) They speak, reverential awe in their every word.

15) “I have to do this.”/ She wandered through the halls of the empty Fire Nation palace.

16) “True love’s kiss,” the stranger (Robert? Robert maybe. Or Ronald. Ronald? No, not Ronald, must be Robert) said, gesturing at the sleeping (oh he hoped she was only sleeping oh please oh please only be sleeping) girl on the couch.

17) Perin Brestol was young—younger than she’d ever admit to most of the people under her command—but that didn’t make her stupid.

18) The Sunken Flagon was, by nature of its location and purpose, the sort of place that attracted a wide variety of people, mostly unsavory and almost always unwashed.

19) Katara has sailed the world and seen its wonders: sunrise at the Northern Air Temple, where the sun comes to eye level, rather than simply passing overhead; the walls of Ba Sing Sei, ultimately indestructible even when the government was not; Aang’s smile, after so many weeks and months of hardship, of setbacks and failures, a sign that perhaps they might survive this intact, if not unscathed.

20) “Search the woods for the boy and meet back here.”

And from my current beta-in-process:

She is young and she is beautiful and she shouldn’t think that he doesn’t know what she’s up to, being young and beautiful and smiling every time she sees him.

Um…I don’t know. It’s weird, because there are things I know like the fact that I become more and more of a comma whore as time goes on, which doesn’t show itself too well here. Oh, I rarely start with dialogue. I—I’m pretty sure I’ve never written a first-person POV fanfic. Or second person, for that matter. Stream-of-consciousness is rare.

I tend to write from girls’ POVs. I started using present tense more and more often (until you get to the last one, which is a 30K fic in present tense). I like using pronouns, and starting off—not in the middle of things, but by mentioning things in a way that indicates this has been going on for a while. Implying background, or summing up the “between the last episode and this fic, this happened.” Creating a setting within the first few words. Consequently, I start more with physical settings or actions, sometimes throwing in the thoughts; I have a couple where I start off with thoughts, but they’re located somewhere specific. (Incidentally, #20 originally started with the line that follows it, but missing the rest of that paragraph; the line that follows it is an action.)

Any thoughts y’all have would be enlightening, as usual. :-)

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I'd say it shows good variety. You do not appear to be stuck in a rut!

I almost feel obligated to point out--I mean, you can see it in the list of fics, but I don't know if people noticed--that these cover a span of three years. I'm rather interested by the fact that I still like all these first lines--like, if you go back through the older fics, I definitely did things that would make me wince now. But the first lines still seem good.

oh, and the first line of the longest story I have is about a setting that appears only once in the entire fic. Huh.

you write a lot in present tense and also they're all dark/dirty places

there you go, $150 of writing analysis for free /o/

1. I do not it's not even like *counts* 9, including Nevalle. That's not quite half, thankyou.

they are not. there's a rainbow in one of them. ...but there is a lot of darkness. huh.

They all have a kind of psychological impact: it's thinky-starts, so I'd speculate you concentrate more on the internal conflicts and journeys.

Too bad I just posted something I'd like to see this from all my stories...

thinky-starts. I think that's what I was trying to say. or maybe starts-with-thinky, but...I guess internal conflicts and journeys are what I use fanfic to explore--like, outside plots are part of the source material's job. I want to explore what's going on behind or inside or around the plot, because that's what we know less about.

DO IT ANYWAY. Someone mentioned doing one with original stuff, and then going through and comparing the fanfic versus original stuff first lines. *is contemplating this*

Okay. Maybe today... or tomorrow. (I did go ahead and create it. And...I think I've been getting better at first lines! I started paying more attention, really.)

It makes sense. I kind of had a sense for that from the one Haruhi/Mori fic you had up recently, that you like to explore what's going on behind, which is really what fangirling analysis is all about, right?

Speaking of which, at the anime con I went to a few weeks ago there was a cute Ouran skit in which, when Tamaki stops to take a call from Kyouya, they set up a sign saying "Don't worry: INTENSE MOE"
Which I thought was great, and just like the Ouran spirit...

Yay! (It took me way more time than it should have to create this list. I'm all right with opening lines, and when I have a closing line that I know is right I'm fine--it's all the stuff in between I have trouble with. XD)

Yep, preeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetty much. XD I suddenly feel a need to put some blame on the fact that I spent a lot of my childhood reading the novelizations for movies (on top of everything else). Heck, one of my dreams would be to novelize the POTC films.

oh! oh! I can ask you to define "moe"! It appears to be one of those "really hard to translate words roughly dealing with fetishes," but trying to translate it as "FETISH FETISH!" doesn't quite sound right--like it's the wrong part of speech, or something.

that being said, with my knowledge of Ouranian use of the word "moe," that sounds very in-spirit. (also, Ouran cosplayers? yesplz.)

Well.

As far as I can tell, it's derived from the word "burn".
From the various explanations I've heard and that idea, I'd say it is used to describe the feeling of fan-squee, actually: that's why otaku Renge is always the one bringing it up. >,<

It's talking about the burning passion, I think, but the one the reader brings to the text. Therefore it is completely subjective if you feel the MOE when Kyouya is talking to Tamaki, or Haruhi, or giving distanced asides.

I think?

that makes a lot of sense--a lot more sense than anything else I've read. And I can see why people would use "fetish." So I will just use your definition! at least within the confines of my head. (Well, and my sister's. She was wondering too.)

thanks! XD

Yeah...they're turning it into a noun, as opposed to an adjective, which is why it feels weird to go "Ooh, fetish!"

This isn't so much a pattern as much as a Good Thing, but your first lines tend to have a lot propulsion, in terms of giving the story a kick-start. A lot of them get the reader straight into the story, as opposed to sort of easing into things with stuff that really doesn't enhance the experience (like "fluffier" writing). I haven't read the fics and I still feel like the first lines are very relevant to the writing that is to come.

hahaha. sometimes I am a little too kick-start-y, and have to go back and flesh out (this is generally when I have a specific nugget of dialogue I want to write, and care less about what happens first). but thank you!

I'm also struck by the variety of approach.

I don't see any distinctive patterns, as in any one that seems super similar to another. Most of them do a good job of enticing me, making me smile and want to read more.

*wonders what fandom you're writing in the beta-in-process*

yay! that is really what they're there for.

uh...NWN 2, but as it's from the POV of and about one of the side characters, I think it's pretty accessible to a non-fan? Like, I made up a bunch of stuff that even the people who play the game would have to piece together, in terms of fleshing out the side guy. And homg the story. It's a counterpart, in its own way, to the story I told in my last NWN 2 fic--at the very least, it's an answer to Quark's insistence that I only write about dark, dirty places. XD

Echoing stuff that's been said before:

-Lots of variety. Good quality overall.
-Too much present tense for my liking (almost half is too much!)

-yay thank you very much (also hey, how did that interview go? how are you doing? WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?)
-...*has no real excuse for this* can you believe I used not to be able to even read stuff in present tense?

I'm still in Baton Rouge. The interview didn't go that well. I mean, it went okay, but they kept remarking how young I was (which I can't help) and asking if I had industry experience (which I don't). They gave the job to an older guy who came from industry, go figure. So I'm still jobless, but doing fine - getting plenty of writing in, at least. :)

...I...totally missed this comment. HOW DID I MISS THIS COMMENT.

anyway, sorry to hear it about the job! but yay writing. I wish I could get rid of this giant block in my way.

Hm, I have no better trends than those already suggested, but it was pretty funny reading through these all together. I kept wanting them to be one story like "What do you mean this is another opening line? They're all opening lines? OH" You should write something with all of them in it :P

7 is gorgeous by the way.

ah-hahaha I know what you mean! I would...try to, but it would be weird. *ponders*

...7 is also one of the exactly two, I believe, Zuko/Azula fics I have ever written. XD

Somehow, NOT being a fan of the pairing, I still liked it. But with an opening line like that, how could it be less than awesome? So points for you :)

I'm not really a fan of the pairing--it's so just easy to write gutwrenching angst when it's about them. XD but thanks!

dude.

...DUDE. DUDE. *flails*

also you should read this (http://community.livejournal.com/katara_zuko/1351097.html) /shameless self-pimping

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