jade_sabre: (superior:  overly enthusiastic glomping)
jade_sabre ([personal profile] jade_sabre) wrote2010-07-09 07:22 pm

adventures of Quark and Jade

Alternative Title: Gone to Ferelden, brb.

three days ago
Jade: Lo, Dragon Age Origins is on sale! I shall purchase it for under thirty dollars! [livejournal.com profile] jakia's fanfics will finally make sense to me! Praise the...Maker? Is that the deity in this game?

an hour later
Jade: Finally! It has loaded on my computer! ...what do you mean, I'm missing a DirectX file? What kind of deity is this Maker guy anyway?



two days ago
Jade: Oh pater omnipotens, mayest I install this DirectX file to yonder computer?
Daddy: Um, I'll tell you when I get home.

one eight-hour workday later
Daddy: All right, it should work now.
Jade: Yes! I have, like, an hour to play! Let's see how much I can do!

forty-five minutes later
Jade: I have finally decided on a character name! At last, the character generation stage is over! How much time do I have to play?
Daddy: ...



yesterday, five p.m.
Jade: Hey, Quark! Want to come over?
Quark: Sure!

ten minutes later
Quark: So, what're you doing?
Jade: Oh, it's this new game I got. Wanna see?

fifteen minutes later
Quark: ...lemme just write down the specs of this game so I can, uh. Compare my home computers. To it.

twenty minutes later
Jade: omg hi there Alistair.
Quark: omg is he a companion.
Jade: omg yes he is.
Quark: omg.
Jade: omg.

two hours later
Quark: OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT JUST HAPPENED.
Jade: Wow, that was...overkill.
Quark: SER JORY WHYYYYYYYYYYYY omg that Loghain guy, so evil.

twenty minutes later
Jade: But it wouldn't even make sense for Loghain to betray the king. I mean, the darkspawn! So evil! Taking over the world! That would just be--

forty minutes later
Jade: STUPID OGRE.

five minutes later
Jade: --that guy has to be the BIGGEST IDIOT ARGH.
Quark: Told you so.

thirty minutes later
Quark: omg Alistair.
Jade: omg he is angsty! little angst muffin!
Quark: omg.
Jade: omg.

ten minutes later
Jade: Ooooooooooh, that's why they ship it.
Quark: They do what?

thirty minutes later
Jade: OMG A PUPPY.
Quark: OMG.
Jade: OMG.
Quark: Puppy!
Jade: OMG IT IS MINE. WHAT SHOULD I NAME IT.
Quark: Hammertime!
Jade: ...
Quark: So that way, whenever you want it to stop, you call, "Stop, Hammertime!"
Jade: ...
Quark: ...or you could take a name out of James Herriot's Dog Stories.

one hour later
Little boy: HAVE YOU SEEN MY MOTHER?
Jade: Uh. No?
Little boy: WHERE IS SHE?
Jade: Maybe you should go to the church and they'll take care of you.
Little boy: AFTER I LOOK FOR MY MOTHER!
Quark: ...you just got that little boy killed.
Jade: I DID NOT.

one hour later
Quark: Holy crap, it's midnight. I've been here for...hours.
Jade: I've been playing for...hours.
Quark: How many?
Jade: ...ten?
Quark: ...well. I'll just. Call you tomorrow.


today, eleven a.m.
Jade's phone: I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everbody--
Jade: Hello?
Quark: GUESS WHAT I JUST BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUGHT.

one hour later
Quark: OKAY COME OVER.

twenty minutes later
Quark: I WILL RECREATE MY MORROWIND CHARA--omg so many options.
Jade: Here we go again.

thirty minutes later
Quark: Man, I wish I could change that blue eyeshadow.
Jade: ...you...could have?
Quark: Wait, really?
Jade: ...maybe you should go back to the character generation screen.

five minutes later
Quark: Argh how did I do her nose? I just don't remember!

twenty minutes later
Jade: Wow, the warrior opening is so much better than the mage opening. You get a family! You're a noble!
Quark: Yeah, but they're all going to die.
Jade: Yeah, but look at the time put into this! They really want you to feel loved before they slaughter everyone!
Quark: And I get a dog!
Jade: WHAT.

ten minutes later
Quark: Does the internet tell you how to get to the larder?
Jade: The internet says you have to start over.
Quark: WHAT?

twenty minutes later
Quark: YES THE DOOR IS UNLOCKED!

one hour later
Quark: omg Alistair.
Jade: omg Alistair.
Quark: omg.
Jade: omg.

--a break for dinner--

five minutes later
Quark: HA he likes me better than you!
Jade: Please excuse me, I'll just be weeping silently in the corner here.




Quark: I just want to scritch his hair.


Lin: I agree with Alistair!
Quark: Subtle? I think not!
Jade: omg.
Quark: WAIT this is where you lost five influence points, right?
Jade: ...yes. Say you want to see him in a dress! SAY IT.
Alistair: For you, maybe.
Quark: *GASP*
Jade: *TITTER*
Quark's Mommy: ...
Quark: This is so bad. It's like, there's blood and we're killing things everywhere, OH ALISTAIR.
Jade: Oh no, the king's army is going to die, omg Alistair.
Quark: HA! ALISTAIR APPROVES PLUS ONE.
Jade: PLUS ONE, THAT'S NOTHING.
Quark: I'm so excited, here we go, let's go kill things, here we go! LIGHTNING! RAIN! ARMIES! MOMMY, YOU GOTTA WATCH THIS! LET'S GO!


Jade: Wait, did you give Alistair your family shield?
Quark: What, no! It's--oh my God, did I sell it?
Jade: You did not sell it. Oh my God, you did not.
Quark: IT'S NOT IN MY INVENTORY.
Jade: You're serious.
Quark: I CANNOT BELIEVE I DID THAT. I'M SO ASHAMED.
Jade: Wow.
Quark: Well, sorry Dad, hope you weren't too attached to that...aw man. I'm really glad my dad is dead and can't judge me.
Jade: *types away*


omg this game. Runs so much better on her machine. But I don't even care. It is so good, and I am so happy it is in my life.

[identity profile] loquaciousquark.livejournal.com 2010-07-10 01:27 am (UTC)(link)
AAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH IT WAS THE LAST PRESENT MY MOMMY EVER GAVE ME AND I SOLD IT FOR A HANDFUL OF COINS

I AM THE COUSLAND'S JUDAS OMG

my poor mommy and daddy, valiantly sticking with each other until their last breaths, sacrificing themselves so I can survive and carry on the family name (until i have little bebes with alistair, just sayin okay) and I'm betting ten to one that my brother dies before the game ends, and I can't even be bothered to hang on to the last remnants of my family's honor before selling it between the fluorspar and the elm shield to the quartermaster of a doomed camp.










i am awesome at this game

LONG ASS COMMENT IS LONG

[identity profile] jakia.livejournal.com 2010-07-10 01:38 am (UTC)(link)
I'M GOING TO GUESS WHAT'S GOING ON BASED ON COMMENTS:

two hours later
Quark: OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT JUST HAPPENED.
Jade: Wow, that was...overkill.
Quark: SER JORY WHYYYYYYYYYYYY omg that Loghain guy, so evil.


The Joining Ritual. ALAS POOR DAVETH. Also, Jory is a pussy and I'm glad he's dead. Talk to him enough AND YOU WILL BE TOO.

ten minutes later
Jade: Ooooooooooh, that's why they ship it.
Quark: They do what?


Lothering. First snarky banter between Alistair and Morrigan. And for the record, it took me a couple of playthroughs before I began to seriously ship it.

twenty minutes later
Jade: Wow, the warrior opening is so much better than the mage opening. You get a family! You're a noble!
Quark: Yeah, but they're all going to die.
Jade: Yeah, but look at the time put into this! They really want you to feel loved before they slaughter everyone!
Quark: And I get a dog!
Jade: WHAT.


I believe at one point I TOLD YOU TO PLAY AS A HUMAN NOBLE but SOMEONE didn't listen to me. >.< also also daddy!Cousland is perhaps one of my favorite characters because he is so MUCH MY DAD. Also mama cousland is totally like my mom AND IF YOU GET SASSY WITH THEM THEY SASS BACK and make you feel like a total dick. Bioware did a great job with the Cousland because they feel like a real family. They aren't perfect. But they are so damn awesome.

Jade: Wait, did you give Alistair your family shield?
Quark: What, no! It's--oh my God, did I sell it?
Jade: You did not sell it. Oh my God, you did not.
Quark: IT'S NOT IN MY INVENTORY.
Jade: You're serious.
Quark: I CANNOT BELIEVE I DID THAT. I'M SO ASHAMED.
Jade: Wow.
Quark: Well, sorry Dad, hope you weren't too attached to that...aw man. I'm really glad my dad is dead and can't judge me.
Jade: *types away*


It's really bad later in the game because you STILL HAVE THE SHIELD. EVEN FOR YOUR ROGUE. WHO CAN'T USE SHIELDS. And there are so many better ones out there! BUT BUT BUT THAT'S THE LAST THING MOMMY EVER GAVE ME GODDAMNIT BIOWARE I CAN'T GET RID OF IT.

also keep me updated because this is highly entertaining.

also there are mods. and you need them. but finish your first playthrough first, then i'll give you links.

[identity profile] queercherry.livejournal.com 2010-07-13 09:05 pm (UTC)(link)
Man I wish I could play. That would be so cool. You know, I'll just get o--- OH WAIT.

Bumbum: NAW I WON'T LOG YOU IN. LET DADDY DO IT
Me: BUT BUUUUMFACEM, IF DAD'S NOT HOME I WON---
BumBum: SHUT UP I HAVE THINGS TO DO.
Me: BUT NOW DAD'S NOT HOME AND I CAN'T PLAY.
BumBum: I ONLY CARE ABOUT MYSELF AND ALISTAIR. OH GOD ALISTAIR. I WISH YOU COULD COME OUT OF THIS GAME AND MARRY ME AND THEN HAVE LOTS OF SEX WITH ME. OH GOD I LOVE IMAGINARY CHARACTERS MORE THAN PEOPLE IN REAL LIFE.
Me: I HATE YOU.