adventures of Quark and Jade

[jade_sabre]

Alternative Title: Gone to Ferelden, brb.

three days ago
Jade: Lo, Dragon Age Origins is on sale! I shall purchase it for under thirty dollars! jakia's fanfics will finally make sense to me! Praise the...Maker? Is that the deity in this game?

an hour later
Jade: Finally! It has loaded on my computer! ...what do you mean, I'm missing a DirectX file? What kind of deity is this Maker guy anyway?



two days ago
Jade: Oh pater omnipotens, mayest I install this DirectX file to yonder computer?
Daddy: Um, I'll tell you when I get home.

one eight-hour workday later
Daddy: All right, it should work now.
Jade: Yes! I have, like, an hour to play! Let's see how much I can do!

forty-five minutes later
Jade: I have finally decided on a character name! At last, the character generation stage is over! How much time do I have to play?
Daddy: ...



yesterday, five p.m.
Jade: Hey, Quark! Want to come over?
Quark: Sure!

ten minutes later
Quark: So, what're you doing?
Jade: Oh, it's this new game I got. Wanna see?

fifteen minutes later
Quark: ...lemme just write down the specs of this game so I can, uh. Compare my home computers. To it.

twenty minutes later
Jade: omg hi there Alistair.
Quark: omg is he a companion.
Jade: omg yes he is.
Quark: omg.
Jade: omg.

two hours later
Quark: OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT JUST HAPPENED.
Jade: Wow, that was...overkill.
Quark: SER JORY WHYYYYYYYYYYYY omg that Loghain guy, so evil.

twenty minutes later
Jade: But it wouldn't even make sense for Loghain to betray the king. I mean, the darkspawn! So evil! Taking over the world! That would just be--

forty minutes later
Jade: STUPID OGRE.

five minutes later
Jade: --that guy has to be the BIGGEST IDIOT ARGH.
Quark: Told you so.

thirty minutes later
Quark: omg Alistair.
Jade: omg he is angsty! little angst muffin!
Quark: omg.
Jade: omg.

ten minutes later
Jade: Ooooooooooh, that's why they ship it.
Quark: They do what?

thirty minutes later
Jade: OMG A PUPPY.
Quark: OMG.
Jade: OMG.
Quark: Puppy!
Jade: OMG IT IS MINE. WHAT SHOULD I NAME IT.
Quark: Hammertime!
Jade: ...
Quark: So that way, whenever you want it to stop, you call, "Stop, Hammertime!"
Jade: ...
Quark: ...or you could take a name out of James Herriot's Dog Stories.

one hour later
Little boy: HAVE YOU SEEN MY MOTHER?
Jade: Uh. No?
Little boy: WHERE IS SHE?
Jade: Maybe you should go to the church and they'll take care of you.
Little boy: AFTER I LOOK FOR MY MOTHER!
Quark: ...you just got that little boy killed.
Jade: I DID NOT.

one hour later
Quark: Holy crap, it's midnight. I've been here for...hours.
Jade: I've been playing for...hours.
Quark: How many?
Jade: ...ten?
Quark: ...well. I'll just. Call you tomorrow.


today, eleven a.m.
Jade's phone: I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everbody--
Jade: Hello?
Quark: GUESS WHAT I JUST BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUGHT.

one hour later
Quark: OKAY COME OVER.

twenty minutes later
Quark: I WILL RECREATE MY MORROWIND CHARA--omg so many options.
Jade: Here we go again.

thirty minutes later
Quark: Man, I wish I could change that blue eyeshadow.
Jade: ...you...could have?
Quark: Wait, really?
Jade: ...maybe you should go back to the character generation screen.

five minutes later
Quark: Argh how did I do her nose? I just don't remember!

twenty minutes later
Jade: Wow, the warrior opening is so much better than the mage opening. You get a family! You're a noble!
Quark: Yeah, but they're all going to die.
Jade: Yeah, but look at the time put into this! They really want you to feel loved before they slaughter everyone!
Quark: And I get a dog!
Jade: WHAT.

ten minutes later
Quark: Does the internet tell you how to get to the larder?
Jade: The internet says you have to start over.
Quark: WHAT?

twenty minutes later
Quark: YES THE DOOR IS UNLOCKED!

one hour later
Quark: omg Alistair.
Jade: omg Alistair.
Quark: omg.
Jade: omg.

--a break for dinner--

five minutes later
Quark: HA he likes me better than you!
Jade: Please excuse me, I'll just be weeping silently in the corner here.




Quark: I just want to scritch his hair.


Lin: I agree with Alistair!
Quark: Subtle? I think not!
Jade: omg.
Quark: WAIT this is where you lost five influence points, right?
Jade: ...yes. Say you want to see him in a dress! SAY IT.
Alistair: For you, maybe.
Quark: *GASP*
Jade: *TITTER*
Quark's Mommy: ...
Quark: This is so bad. It's like, there's blood and we're killing things everywhere, OH ALISTAIR.
Jade: Oh no, the king's army is going to die, omg Alistair.
Quark: HA! ALISTAIR APPROVES PLUS ONE.
Jade: PLUS ONE, THAT'S NOTHING.
Quark: I'm so excited, here we go, let's go kill things, here we go! LIGHTNING! RAIN! ARMIES! MOMMY, YOU GOTTA WATCH THIS! LET'S GO!


Jade: Wait, did you give Alistair your family shield?
Quark: What, no! It's--oh my God, did I sell it?
Jade: You did not sell it. Oh my God, you did not.
Quark: IT'S NOT IN MY INVENTORY.
Jade: You're serious.
Quark: I CANNOT BELIEVE I DID THAT. I'M SO ASHAMED.
Jade: Wow.
Quark: Well, sorry Dad, hope you weren't too attached to that...aw man. I'm really glad my dad is dead and can't judge me.
Jade: *types away*


omg this game. Runs so much better on her machine. But I don't even care. It is so good, and I am so happy it is in my life.

Comments

[loquaciousquark.livejournal.com]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH IT WAS THE LAST PRESENT MY MOMMY EVER GAVE ME AND I SOLD IT FOR A HANDFUL OF COINS

I AM THE COUSLAND'S JUDAS OMG

my poor mommy and daddy, valiantly sticking with each other until their last breaths, sacrificing themselves so I can survive and carry on the family name (until i have little bebes with alistair, just sayin okay) and I'm betting ten to one that my brother dies before the game ends, and I can't even be bothered to hang on to the last remnants of my family's honor before selling it between the fluorspar and the elm shield to the quartermaster of a doomed camp.










i am awesome at this game

[jade-sabre-301.livejournal.com]

see: jak's comment

see also: man coming back to my graphics after basking in yours was, um, not a good experience for me.












oh God I miss Alistair's crow feet so much

LONG ASS COMMENT IS LONG

[jakia.livejournal.com]

I'M GOING TO GUESS WHAT'S GOING ON BASED ON COMMENTS:

two hours later
Quark: OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT JUST HAPPENED.
Jade: Wow, that was...overkill.
Quark: SER JORY WHYYYYYYYYYYYY omg that Loghain guy, so evil.

The Joining Ritual. ALAS POOR DAVETH. Also, Jory is a pussy and I'm glad he's dead. Talk to him enough AND YOU WILL BE TOO.

ten minutes later
Jade: Ooooooooooh, that's why they ship it.
Quark: They do what?

Lothering. First snarky banter between Alistair and Morrigan. And for the record, it took me a couple of playthroughs before I began to seriously ship it.

twenty minutes later
Jade: Wow, the warrior opening is so much better than the mage opening. You get a family! You're a noble!
Quark: Yeah, but they're all going to die.
Jade: Yeah, but look at the time put into this! They really want you to feel loved before they slaughter everyone!
Quark: And I get a dog!
Jade: WHAT.

I believe at one point I TOLD YOU TO PLAY AS A HUMAN NOBLE but SOMEONE didn't listen to me. >.< also also daddy!Cousland is perhaps one of my favorite characters because he is so MUCH MY DAD. Also mama cousland is totally like my mom AND IF YOU GET SASSY WITH THEM THEY SASS BACK and make you feel like a total dick. Bioware did a great job with the Cousland because they feel like a real family. They aren't perfect. But they are so damn awesome.

Jade: Wait, did you give Alistair your family shield?
Quark: What, no! It's--oh my God, did I sell it?
Jade: You did not sell it. Oh my God, you did not.
Quark: IT'S NOT IN MY INVENTORY.
Jade: You're serious.
Quark: I CANNOT BELIEVE I DID THAT. I'M SO ASHAMED.
Jade: Wow.
Quark: Well, sorry Dad, hope you weren't too attached to that...aw man. I'm really glad my dad is dead and can't judge me.
Jade: *types away*

It's really bad later in the game because you STILL HAVE THE SHIELD. EVEN FOR YOUR ROGUE. WHO CAN'T USE SHIELDS. And there are so many better ones out there! BUT BUT BUT THAT'S THE LAST THING MOMMY EVER GAVE ME GODDAMNIT BIOWARE I CAN'T GET RID OF IT.

also keep me updated because this is highly entertaining.

also there are mods. and you need them. but finish your first playthrough first, then i'll give you links.

THIS IS NOT A REPLY IT'S MORE LIKE AN UPDATE

[jade-sabre-301.livejournal.com]

well, here's how I described what I've been doing tonight to my father:

Alistair: Soooooooooooo I hate being in charge of things, what should we do next?
Laemira: Well, I was totes going to go to Redcliffe, but then you spoiled me and I felt like it was too early in our...+8 relationship to be doing that, so I said, sup, I'm from the Circle of Mages, I mean they were about to kick me out and then label me an apostate, i.e. kill me, but anyway I'm sure they'd be happy to see me again, now that I drank that darkspawn blood and am a Grey Warden and stuff.

oh hay thar Greagoir, remember how you wanted to kill me? SUP GREY WARDEN BITwait what about abominations in my tower?

hoshi you just LEFT PEOPLE THERE?

to DIE?

i'm-a gonna kill you. But first I'm going to kill the abominations JUST TRY TO GET IN MAH WAY OR--or slam the door on me. You know, whatevs. 'scool--

HOSHI THE APPRENTICE DORMS WAIT I LIVED HERE LIKE ALL OF TWO WEEKS AGO ALL MY FRIENDS AAAAAAAH THOSE ARE THEIR CORPSES AAAAAAAH THIS PLACE IS A WRECK

Wynne! I will assume that since I want to be a spirit healer you were one of my closer teachers, and holy cow I hope you live long enough to let me specialize, I WANT TO SPECIALIZE, DAMMIT

HOSHI ABOMINATIONS AND STATUES THAT ARE ZAPPING ME AND APPRENTICES BEING DUMB AND MAGES BEING MORE DUMB AND ENCHANTERS MAKING ME WANT TO PUNCH THEM AND

FRICK WHO KNEW A FRICKIN DESIRE DEMON WOULD BE SO FRICKIN AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH I JUST. HATE EVERYONE TODAY.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH MY HOME IS IN RUIIIIINNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSSSS

(Laemira's progress through the game:
--La! I am a hopeful idealist about the future of Chantry/Mage relations. If we just act nice, surely they will figure out we are not freaks! I will conquer this Harrowing thing easy!
--What Jowan? You and Lily need my help? I believe in love! Sure I will help you!
--Aw man, Jowan, you were lying about the blood mage thing? That kind of hurts.
--Irving is trying to keep me from getting killed! Silly Chantry, I didn't do anything--Grey Warden? Bwuh?
--Sure I'll become an epic hero why this young man looks so nice and faintly non-clean-shaven hopefully he will be around for a--drink darkspawn blood? O...kay...
--Loghain betrayed the king and left the king and Duncan to die and Alistair and I are the only Grey Wardens left? That's...not too encouraging. But maybe if I'm a good mage AND a good Grey Warden, this will all work out well! Also: campsites with Alistair. And Morrigan I mean I really admire her independence I'd kind of like some of it for myself.
--Greagoir left everyone inside to DIE? Frickin' Chantry cowards frickin' templar ugh this--this might be hatred.
--AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH MY HOME MY HOME this isn't darkspawn this is just stupidity I am so ashamed of my fellow mages right now I swear I will stop this nonsense and go back to saving Ferelden and--and man, considering the fact that I grew up in precarious stability and have spent the past two weeks running around like a headless chicken, I would really appreciate some, uh, stability in my future. Just--just sayin'.

she is so cute and determined and polite and cheerful. FRICK.)

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand I haven't finished the quest because I should pretend I haven't spent the majority of the past forty-eight hours watching/playing this game. Oops.

(omg it is SO MUCH PRETTIER on Quark's machine. one day I will have a proper PC of my own on which to play it. by which point, like, DA3 will be out, BUT WHATEVS.)

Re: THIS IS NOT A REPLY IT'S MORE LIKE AN UPDATE

[jakia.livejournal.com]

OH MY GOD I LOVE GREAGOIR. He's *such* a grumpy old bear, but he really does care about his Templars and the mages. Once you beat the Circle Quest, try telling Greagoir "Well, what does the Knight-Commander think we should do?" His answer will surprise you. Also, he didn't leave everyone to die--he has like, thirteen Templars and over a hundred abominations to deal with. He's basically just waiting for reinforcements.

When you get farther into the game, I'll have to tell you my theory involving Greagoir.

Wynne won't teach you the Spirit Healer specialization. You have to buy a book that teaches it to you. Why, I don't know, but just so you know.

THE FADE SUCKS. BE PREPARED TO BANG HEAD AGAINST KEYBOARD. I have a mod that lets you skip it, but I feel you should suffer through it at least once.

You want to go to Redcliffe not last. I usually go to it either first or whenever I'm done with the Circle quest. The plot doesn't make much sense if you save Redcliffe for last, that's all I'm going to say.

My mage, Iza, was practical. She wanted to leave the circle, but she realized she never could so she made the best of it anyway. Once she was gone from the circle, however, she got very homesick and totally seduced the resident ex-Templar who then--no, I won't spoil it for you. KEEP PLAYING.

Did you get Leliana in Lothering? She was in the Tavern. I got her my first playthrough but completely forgot my second time around so I understand if you didn't.

Stability? Hah! The game is darker and edgier, darling. Prepare to have life shit on you over and over again. Just when you think things may be getting bearable prepare for another shitfest. Of course, there are ways to avoid that, but, eh, spoilers. You should learn the hard way just like everyone else.

also, remind me after you've beaten the game to tell you the results of my very first playthrough. It's enlightening for sure.

Re: THIS IS NOT A REPLY IT'S MORE LIKE AN UPDATE

[jade-sabre-301.livejournal.com]

Laemira still isn't convinced Greagoir wouldn't happily see the Circle burn, especially after that whole annulment suggestion, but We Shall See. She's got the same attitude towards the Circle--not really a fan of the whole setup, but willing to make it work, and optimistic enough to think that maybe one day mages will have more freedom.

I did get Leliana! I just...don't care about her as much? I brought her along the Circle quest in order to open locked chests, and she sucks at it. I miss my mabari.

GAAAAAAAAAAAAH we're seeing if it has better graphics on my dad's laptop and if it does I will begin the arduous process of trying to figure out if I can transfer my saved games or not.

Re: THIS IS NOT A REPLY IT'S MORE LIKE AN UPDATE

[loquaciousquark.livejournal.com]

i assume that you were successful transferring the saved game, since you didn't tell me how long you spent going through the beginning again

man

if i can get enough money out of this to avoid needed leliana any time soon, she is so gone

and my dad is letting me have the computer again, so i will come back!

Re: THIS IS NOT A REPLY IT'S MORE LIKE AN UPDATE

[jade-sabre-301.livejournal.com]

jak i just spent like forty-five minutes doing conversations with Alistair, and then didn't save because in my head canon it is too soon for such nonsense but

omg jak i am in love










help help

[queercherry.livejournal.com]

Man I wish I could play. That would be so cool. You know, I'll just get o--- OH WAIT.

Bumbum: NAW I WON'T LOG YOU IN. LET DADDY DO IT
Me: BUT BUUUUMFACEM, IF DAD'S NOT HOME I WON---
BumBum: SHUT UP I HAVE THINGS TO DO.
Me: BUT NOW DAD'S NOT HOME AND I CAN'T PLAY.
BumBum: I ONLY CARE ABOUT MYSELF AND ALISTAIR. OH GOD ALISTAIR. I WISH YOU COULD COME OUT OF THIS GAME AND MARRY ME AND THEN HAVE LOTS OF SEX WITH ME. OH GOD I LOVE IMAGINARY CHARACTERS MORE THAN PEOPLE IN REAL LIFE.
Me: I HATE YOU.