Star Trek

[jade_sabre]

although I am seriously tempted to turn this into my Enchanted rant because srsly y'all I just can't bring myself to love that movie EDWARD DESERVED BETTER OKAY maybe I would love it more if a) I cared about Robert a.5) I didn't get so upset at the way they just dump Nancy I mean Edward had only known Giselle for a day fine but Nancy had been waiting on that ring for HOW LONG? and b) I didn't love Sleeping Beauty so much you know what? I AM PERFECTLY HAPPY WITH THE PRINCE SAVING THE GIRL. AND WITH THE GUY AND THE GIRL GETTING TOGETHER. It's ridiculous, of course, but it's also quite lovely. P.S. I care more about what happens to Edward than I do about what happens to Robert.

Anyway that's not even a taste of the Enchanted rant (part of me wants to investigate how to turn said rant into an academic article, but anyway), this is the Star Trek post! 'cause I went to see it today! With my family! First we were going to go see it at 3:15, but then like WHOA THE SCREEN, IT WAS SO BIG and there was only room for us on like the second row and MY EYES, THEY DON'T SEE THE WAY THEY NEED TO for sitting that close. Malone and Mum were actually heading towards motion sickness, sooooooooo we went to a later showing instead. And frankly we still sat a little too close for that one too, but oh well, at least I could watch it. Also

Dear Movie Theatres of America,
There are still some people in this world who have sensitive ears and who haven't blown them out listening to iPods and who really don't like having them pounded for two straight hours because of unnecessarily high decibles.
Love,
Jade

yes I am an old woman shut up.

ANYWAY THE MOVIE.

I am so frickin' conflicted by this movie. I will admit I was spoiled a bit going into it--I read an article talking about Uhura's inherent eye-candy-ness, and other things like the fact that Romulans were involved (say quoi?) and time travel (seriously?), and that J.J. Abrams really liked using the sparkle effect (he wants to dazzle us with the future I guess). Oh, and as I was going into the theatre I ran into a friend of mine leaving the theatre, and he said, "Just remember the following: black hole sauce." And then oh yeah Irrel scared the living crap out of me with her Spock/Uhura-child-fanart (OMGWTFBBQSPQRCHTOQUOIHUH).

So out of all that, I came out of the theatre going, 1) Uhura was the chick who avoided all the making-out-[with-Kirk]-ness[-unless-it-was-for-historical-purposes-i.e.-first-interracial-kiss-on-TV-p.s.-that-scene-is-terrible-I-hope-everyone-had-their-sound-turned-off-p.p.s.-argh-Spock-kissing] on the original show wtf is her role now. 2) Romulans--oh Romulans. But maybe since Kirk Sr. was attacked by Romulans, they figured out what they looked like? P.S. Romulans get such a bad rap I luff them. 3) It's not time travel it's self-referencing alternate universe stuff so Trekkies are not like comic book fans when they say HEY YOU TOOK OUR BACKSTORY AWAY HUH. 4) OVERKILL, J.J. It worked a lot of the time, but DUDE. SAREK'S FACE WAS OBSCURED BY BRILLIANT FLASH OF BLINDINGNESS EVERY TIME HE APPEARED ON SCREEN WHY. 5) The thing about black hole sauce is that you have to be careful it looks just like ketchup. 6) OMGWTFBBQSPQRCHTOQUOIHUH.

My dad, being my dad, said he was trying to figure out what the story was as we left the theatre. A morality play? Just a science fiction story? But does it work as a science fiction story if you come into it blind? Because I can't imagine this movie being nearly as...well, I guess for me it was troubling because there was a very real sense of THIS IS NOT HOW IT GOES from the very beginning (hey! Wait! Kirk has a sister!), which didn't make complete sense until Spock Alpha(? Spock prime? Spock prime involves, like, derivation. In that case, Zach Quinto's Spock would be prime. So screw you.) explained it, and I still wasn't willing to give it to them until Kirk went, "Going back in time to change the future? That's cheating," and Nimoy!Spock went, "I learned it from an old friend." At which point I went, ah-ha! They acknowledge they're cheating! Okay, I'll go with them.

Except in the end, who really wants to play around in a TOS-time universe where Winona Ryder plays Amanda (which only merited an omgwtf) and Vulcan is effing destroyed? I suppose that is my biggest problem with the movie, because in the end...I don't like this alternate universe. Oh sure, Chris Pine is cute (I'm not going to say hot, because, uh...I just wasn't feeling it. I think he would be more hot in person? Like, if I could stand next to him and really see him, he would be hot. Okay, officially done puzzling ver this), and there's some other fun stuff, but...everyone's lives seem to be worse off here.

Also there's Spock/Uhura. Which, as we were figuring out later, involves fraternization between teacher and student and senior and junior officers. So I'm thinking there needs to be an outtake in which Kirk goes Starfleet Regulation on Spock's ass for that one. BUT SERIOUSLY. SPOCK WOULD NOT okay maybe "alternate universe Spock" would MAKE OUT WITH SOMEONE IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE. And furthermore, IT'S UHURA. And maybe there was some sort of "understand subtext" in TOS that I'm not remembering (having mostly watched it as a child), but seriously? OKAY OKAY JADE IT IS AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE (Rashaka is trying to lure me to the dark side) but but but

OKAY I ADMIT IT. I LAUGHED. AFTER VULCAN BLEW UP (well, okay, first I said SERIOUSLY? when they blew up Amanda because seriously?), AND UHURA WENT TO SMOOCH TALK TO SPOCK IN THE ELEVATOR THINGIE LIFT, I LAUGHED. Because it was ridiculous. And not in a LOL-tastic way. It was Spock. And Uhura. And they were kissing. And it was wrong and ridiculous and I did not enjoy it. And then my mommy threatened to slap me if I did not shut up and let them have their little scene.

eta: also maybe if I had a better grasp of TOS Uhura I would have a better grasp of this but mrgh.

Also I was just really surprised there was kissing. Heck, when Uhura put her hands on his face, I went WHOA because of course we all remember the Romulan/Vulcan kiss...right? Right? *sighs* oh never mind.

WHERE WAS I oh right, let's start going off about things I liked in this movie:

1) ONOEZ WE ARE BEING SUCKED INTO THE BLACK HOLE WHATEVER SHALL WE DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Jetison and detonate the warp core, OF COURSE. Ah-hahahahahahahaha that was brilliant.

2) Hey look they got a real Russian to play Chekov! Except oh wait he's blonde and blue-eyed wtf? Still brilliant.

3) SULU FENCING HEEHEEHEEHE

4) Scotty. And Bones. Probably my favorites.

5) Chris Pine acting wtf a Kirk that acts? OMGNOWAI. BUT AWESOME.

6) The opening sequence! Well, mostly the conversation between daddy! and mommy!Kirk. Learning where alternate universe Tiberius comes from.

7) The scene wherein Sarek says "I married your mother because it was logical" because that meant we were going to get a scene where Sarek said "I married her because I loved her [you dolt]." DID I MENTION I SHIP SAREK/AMANDA SO HARD? BECAUSE I DO. In part because back in the day I shipped Trip/T'Pol so hard it hurt and Sarek/Amanda is the original human/Vulcan pairing, in part because I luff Spock, in part because of the book Sarek, and in part BECAUSE THEY ARE AWESOME.
7.5) They blew up Amanda? Seriously? I hate this sandbox.
7.5.5) Although in the other sandbox they blew up Romulus. I...would like to see some timelining on that (vis-a-vis TNG et al) plzkthxbai. That sandbox is not-as-fun anymore either. But still it is more fun than this one.
7.5.5.5) HOLY CRAP. WHAT IS THIS UNIVERSE PICARD LIKE. Thoughts for later.

8) Um um um...KOBAYACHI MARU of course of course but they still did it brilliantly. Also yay Orion girl roommate except, like, dude, how'd she escape to join Starfleet? What's her story?
8.5) Kirk's general "hey thar bb sup?"ness. LOL.

9) CHEKOV I'd forgotten how much I love you.

10) Um. There were other little things that made me so happy. LEONARD NIMOY duh (my mom sat on the edge of the her seat the whole time he was onscreen it was hilarious) and like real Spock who wasn't making out with anyone and was speaking in his comforting old voice (although I will say Zach Quinto did do an awesome job and I greatly enjoyed his performance--I thought everyone did a really, really wonderful job, in general, though again Scotty and Bones were probz my favorites). Mostly little referencing things, or just general silliness, or the times when it wasn't taking itself seriously.

But ultimately, I think I stand by my original feeling, which was, I don't wanna stay here. Like, okay, they've made up this new alternate universe that they can set other movies in if they want (oh please don't want?), but, like, I don't really like it there. Vulcan's destroyed. Amanda blew up. Spock and Uhura make out everywhere. Everything is super-shiny (although most of the effects were sooper awesome c.f. aforementioned jetisonned warp core I LOL'D). And it's...not-quite-right.

Which is to say, it's well done, and they set out to achieve exactly what they wanted, but...meh.

Would I go see it again? Probably, if other people came and I could catcall with them. But I wouldn't want to do anything else there. No more movies, kthxbai.




IN OTHER NEWS

actually first relating to Star Trek I ought to do a post about movies that "revitalize" franchises and what that means.

secondly MY BIRTHDAY PRESENTS, I NEED TO TAKE PICTURES AND SHOW THEM TO YOU quarkie I am so self-conscious about my picture because like dude how do I explain to my family who's in it but OMG HE'S TAKING HER PINS OUT OF HER HAIR *melts into a giant puddle of goo*

thirdly Carth Onasi is probably my most favorite romantic interest in a game EVER and I want to play KOTOR 1.5: The Game Where You're Revan Wandering For Four Years. Because it could totally link up with the end of KOTOR II and make it all better (Atton you are so totally Dustil in my head it is not even funny).

fourthly Malone is totally with me on the Sam's Town Zutara Movie now if only I had something other than Windows Movie Maker oh yeah if only I had all the episodes.

finally omg so much f-list to read y'all I'm reading and thinking about y'all even if I'm not commenting.

LOTS OF LOVE,
Jade

Comments

[ascii-encore.livejournal.com]

it's very important to remember the giant ball of ketchupy black hole sauce. don't forget to scroll down to the third comment, it kind of sums up my other feelings on the movie.

mmmmm, black hole sauce.

[rashaka.livejournal.com]

I was feeling the same as you re: the lens flare shiny overdosing!



Heck, when Uhura put her hands on his face, I went WHOA because of course we all remember the Romulan/Vulcan kiss...right? Right? *sighs* oh never mind.

I don't remember, but I'm guessing this has something to do with the vulcan hand-touching telephathy thing? I was reading another review where someone was emphasizing that the fact that Spock and her were so physical was a "really, REALLY big deal" for his character given what canon has said in the past.


But ultimately, I think I stand by my original feeling, which was, I don't wanna stay here.

In understand that. If it doesn't work for you, it just doesn't work. I've had that reactions to some AU fanfics that people love, and generally that was about 60% of my problem for the whole 4 seasons of Battlestar Galactica.

8.5) Kirk's general "hey thar bb sup?"ness. LOL.

Me too!

I was a little off-put by the Kobayashi Maru test, how it was portrayed. I mean, I giggled at the apple, and how smarmy Jim was, but overall it felt WAY different than what I expected from Movie II, Khan. I remember the young officer asked him how he won, and he confessed that he cheated. Like it wasn't a well known fact...certainly not something so openly known that he was brought up for public trial.

Also, the attitude of it felt weird to me. Weird that they'd try to nail him for academic cheating in the first place when he was so *open* about it and had already failed twice, so it wasn't like he was trying to be secretive, or that he didn't think they'd realize exactly what had happened. It was more like vandalism of school property (computers) than anything else.

It was also weird for me because I had always pictured it to be...not so obvious. I expected him to go through the program motions completely, and win by making the "right" choice for a loop-hole he'd pre-programmed, not just have the whole simulation fail then reboot with all the enemies powerless. It was so...in-elegant. Lacking in style.


Also, from the 2nd movie, I had always thought that they rewarded him for cheating, in an Office Space sort of way. Like, he won because he managed to successfully cheat, and since he's the only one who managed to successfully cheat, he's the only one who successfully wins. That the cheat *was* the win, not that the cheat enabled the win.

...Like in the beginning of the second season of Naruto, when the ninja exams are happening, and the exam proctors pass out an outrageously difficult test and tell the students "absolutely no cheating!"...then sit back and wait to see who cheats the best. Not that the Starfleet exam wanted to advocate cheating like ninjas (totally) would, but just that the fact that he managed it is a commendable thing itself, and a sign of how clever/awesome/GaryStu/perfect James T. Kirk is.

Instead, they went for academic honesty?

[keestone.livejournal.com]

Bones and Scotty were always the best, and I was glad that hadn't changed. :)

Apparently, Chris Pine is very attractive if you're male and gay, but women don't seem to be finding him attractive at all. (Me, I'll take Karl Urban as McCoy any day, thankyouverymuch.)

Spock/Uhura totally happened so there would be something for people afraid of slash to cling to. That's the only way it makes sense.

[philia-fan.livejournal.com]

I think you have to remember that the alternate universe starts way back at the opening of the movie, when Kirk's father ship is destroyed. In original universe, Kirk's father was around. So Kirk is a different person than he would have been -- more over the top in his rebellion and outrageousness. Thus the cheating thing works for me -- I imagine that in the original universe, he cheated more subtlely, but in the new one he's so full of himself that he munches an apple and sticks the cheating into the face of authority (one reason we might question Star Fleet's decision to make him Captain in this universe...)

Likewise Spock and Uhura. We have to accept that Spock becomes a different person with the loss of his mother -- that he's more emotionally vulnerable (and Uhura steps in for the kiss AFTER AMANDA DIES) and much more willing to acknowledge his emotions because Amanda's no longer around to be his emotional side for him, and because he wants to honor her.

So it's totally valid to not like the alternate universe (I agree, destroying Vulcan is bad news -- maybe in the sequel they can reverse it again?), but I actually liked what they did with the characters given their new histories.

I couldn't cope with Chekhov's blondness -- why not use a wig/haircolor? -- but he was cute anyway. Loved Bones and Scotty and Sulu. LOVED the expendable red shirt guy -- too funny!

Anyway, Wildcat and I loved it. But I had a similar moment to your with your father, when afterwards Wildcat (who likes to ask me literary analysis questions) said, "What did you think of the plot?" and I sort of stopped and said, "Oh, wait, there was a PLOT?" I didn't really notice the plot, and when I think about it, it's like, well okay, I guess there was one, but just barely. But I didn't care -- we just had fun.

[fabricalchemist.livejournal.com]

SPOCK/UHURA = EW

[loquaciousquark.livejournal.com]

oh my god between you and kickthehobbit i'm just going to have to get new, more awesome friends

whatever the movie was GREAT and your opinions are wrong

I'm done editing this comment now, I swear. Your inbox can rest now

[styromgalleries.livejournal.com]

Totally with you on the Enchanted thing. It's a cute movie, but mostly it just gets on my nerves. Amy Adams and Patrick Dempsey. Who cares? James Marsden is where it's at. (Can't think of the character names right now, even though I know they're at the top of the entry..I just don't feel like scrolling *ultimate laziness*). Anyway, yeah. Feel free to rant some more. That movie totally deserves it.

Also, I have a totally different perspective on Star Trek, seeing as how this new movie was pretty much my first exposure to the whole kit and caboodle (I don't think I've ever seen that phrase typed out; it looks much more ridiculous than it sounds to me). I really liked the movie. Yeah, the plot was kinda meh, but the movie was still all kinds of fun. There was cheese and camp, and I expected to walk into the movie theater and sit down to two hours of cheese and camp, so it was all good.

Also, I kind of liked Spock/Uhura, but then again, I know nothing, so don't write me off XP I think mostly I just like to watch somebody kiss somebody in a movie. I always pick out a couple in whatever I watch/read, and I would rather Zachary Quinto get to kiss Zoe Saldana than Chris Pine, who =/= hot. I just wasn't feeling it. I went with my sister and best friend and both of them just adore him...and I don't get it. His blue eyes are pretty, but that's about it. I would much rather look at Spocklar (sorry, friend at work called him that cause she doesn't like ZQ, and it stuck) all day, and I'm not even sure I think he's cute.

I think one of my problems with Chris Pine is that he was in the movie Bottleshock, which I didn't even finish cause I was not as impressed as I wanted to be (even Alan Rickman couldn't save it). I hated his nasty-dirty-washed-up-blond-stoner-hip-hugging-bell-bottom-jeans-hippie-ass character and without even realizing who he was, I didn't like him in ST. Ok, let me change that a little. I liked him in ST, but...not how he looked, and I think subconsciously it might have been because of Bottleshock; I didn't know until after I saw Star Trek that that's who he was, but I IMDB'd him and I was like "THAT'S WHO HE IS! EW!" (random rant is random)

And now I think I'm done dumping my random Star Trek thoughts onto your journal comments.