The Graveyard Book, by Neil Gaiman
A baby arrives at a graveyard. Mrs. Owens, one of the graveyard's inhabitants, sees the ghost of the baby's mother, and promises to take care of the dead woman's son. He is assigned to the guardianship of a graveyard denizen with the ability to step into the outside world, and spends his days learning from ghosts and generally growing into a sharp and probably very attractive young man, while also wondering, in the back of his mind, who killed his parents.

All of this is presented in a very matter-of-fact way, as British authors are wont to present things, but as it is Neil Gaiman it is also beautiful. It's last year's Newberry winner, and I do believe it perfectly fits the bill for what a Newberry should be: a coming-of-age tale for children which yet has layers upon layers meant to be read and reread at all stages in life. Also it is creepy and involves lots of death without being ridiculously depressing about it--most of the main characters are dead. That's life.

It's been probably about a month since I finished it, so I'm a little rusty on how to talk about it--and having another book on the brain that I want to talk about isn't helping. So let's see, what are my criteria for judging a book that I made up last time? Plot: It's really a series of connected short stories with an overarching plot that I found a bit unsatisfying--more on that in the spoilers section--but the general Bod-grows-up was just so beautiful. And there's suspense and mystery and fun too. Characters: Very quietly drawn, and I really really liked Bod and how he turned out, and Liza is fantastic. Setting: GENIUS. GAH. GENIUS. SO GOOD. SO GOOD. Sentences: It's Neil Gaiman. He presents the reader with information and trusts the reader to do their job with it; he's subtle, and fun, and quietly wise, and also I love hearing him say the word "book," which has nothing to do with his sentences but sort of does because you have to have an appreciation for the way words sound in order to write well.

ANYWAY, GO READ IT, IT'S EXCELLENT.

( spoilers/fangirly reactions/criticisms )

BUT REALLY, I LOVED THIS BOOK. I need to purchase it. It would be good to have around.



All's Quiet on the Western Front, by Erich Maria Remarque
Paul and some of his classmates are in the German army towards the end of World War I. They have PTSD and severe detachment issues, although this was before people knew how to diagnose such things, let alone help people heal from them. There are lots of bombs and viscera and bullets and bayonets and some French girls and lice and war sucks and I hate it.

So this book is fabulous but I don't understand why they're giving it to the sophomores to read because they're right smack dab in the middle of the infallibility phase of adolescence, without the catch of being close in age to the protagonist of the story, like seniors or second-semester juniors. Also I am mildly concerned about whether or not the students will get adequate background before jumping into this novel. Like, it is not enough to say Germany lost WWI (although I certainly hope that gets said). I think you need to at least provide a general sense of the devastation of WWI...which, yes, is the point of the novel, but idk.

Anyway this novel was very depressing. I threw it on the floor when I reached the last page. There are two types of novels that get this treatment: Twilight/Eragon, and Of Mice and Men. AQonWF belongs to the latter category of "Classic Novels of Literature Meant to Make You Feel Bad About Everything," although it gets many more points for being about WWI and being from the POV of the loser and for being about real war in real places (not that Of Mice and Men is about fake things, but seriously, that novel exists to make you feel bad).

So I didn't...like it? I mean I deeply respected it and appreciated it and think people ought to read it, but jeeze, you guys. Although a tiny book it is not to be taken lightly. (Also, it satisfied my Gross and Violent quota for the year. Rather like dystopian works, I can do one, maybe two a year, but I have to space them out a lot because I do not enjoy them much at all, and I try to read only the good ones so at least there's something salvageable when I'm done.)

"Okay," I said, when I finished it, "I could go without reading about intestines and stomachs outside of people's bodies and blood for like the next year now."



Life of Pi, by Yann Martel
Ha.

So this book tells the story of Piscine Molitor Patel, who goes by Pi, who is living life grandly with his family in India while his father is a zookeeper until such time they make the decision to move to Canada, and the boat they're on sinks, and Pi get stuck on a lifeboat with a tiger. And then he has to survive.

Lots of animals die in the reading of this story, and their guts are discussed at great length. What did I do wrong in a past life.

Seriously, though, um, I don't really have a review of it that doesn't involve spoilers, and I'm kind of hoping to find someone to discuss me out of my rage, and to convince me that there was a point to reading this book and that it is not simply yet another example of "Classic Novels of Literature Meant to Make You Feel Bad About Everything." So onto the spoilers!

( SERIOUS SPOILERS. SERIOUS SPOILERS FOR THE ENDING OF THIS NOVEL. )



OKAY I HAVE TO CLEAN MY KITCHEN NOW. <3<3<3<3

ETA: IT IS SNOWING LOVIE WILL NEVER MAKE IT HOME ONOEZ DAUGHTER OF EVE EDIT: LOVIE MADE IT HOME YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY
OUR OVEN IS DYING PLEASE PRAY FOR IT
ALSO PRAY FOR SNOW DAY TOMORROW? SON OF ADAM EDIT: SNOW DAY TOMORROW WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

but most importantly
today I stopped by the library and picked up the two books that were on hold for me. Granted, they're going to the bottom of my TBR pile, but they are
The Blood Confession by Alisa Libby
and
The Bone Key by Sarah Monette

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FINALLY BOOTH YOU ARE IN MY HANDS AND MINE, ALL MINE.

*does a dance*

so I've played through the Landsmeet, now, and I won't get to play again until next Monday probably, so now I will put on some reflective music (post about that later?) and reflect!


alert! lots and lots of meta follows. Also, my perspective on some of the following stuff might change once I beat the game; we'll see what happens.


( on Laemira )

( on being an elf )

( on being a mage )

( on Landsmeet, and Laemira's decision )

( on the Teyrn of Gwaren and his daughter )

( on Alistair's character )

( on the romance )

SO BASICALLY, IN SUMMARY: I love this game, a lot, because it gives me so many options and so many things to think about and doodle with in my brain (and Zevran! I...think I love him more than Alistair. My feelings towards Alistair are complicated these days, as you um. Might have noticed), and because it's really, really good at sucking you in and making you feel a part of what's going on, and I should probably just hurry up and join the fandom and post these thoughts, which have probably been said before, in one of their comms, shouldn't I. OH WELL. I HAVE COUSINS TO BABYSIT AND AN ARCHDEMON TO DEFEAT AND FIC TO BETA. Time to go to bed.

so, we're trying to find the Alice miniseries online to watch, because it is supposed to be adorable, but its distributor is being a dumbface and taking it off YouTube. Whilst questing for it, I went to syfy.com, and then, on a whim, wandered down to their "feedback" link, and sent them the following email:

To Whomever It May Concern,

I have yet to hear of any legitimate reason for turning the name of the SciFi channel into some thirteen-year-old girl's idea of a cutsy nickname. The rebranding fails to reach out to either a new audience who might have been "turned off" at the thought of science fiction, due to its inanity, or to actual science fiction fans, who, as I'm sure you know, are horrified at what you have done to their beloved genre's nickname. It is obviously far too late to stop your descent into madness, but I just thought I would let you know, a little piece of me dies every time I channel surf past you.

Sincerely,
[Jade Sabre]
science fiction fan








...man, that felt good.

(p.s. a little piece of me really does die. Or at least feel like the entire SciFi network is poking it with a large, shame-inducing stick. WHY CAN'T YOU BE TRUE TO YOUR ROOTS, SYFY. WHY SO ASHAMED. it is not like they even decided to change their name to "syfy" and then stop doing ridiculous alien disaster movies.)

um um um crap y'all it's been four days so I'm running of what I can remember with minimal help (trying to avoid reading too many other reviews so that I can still write one) so if this seems completely WHAT IS SHE TALKING ABOUT, it's because I'm ADD.

Also, just so you know, cleolinda did a much more succinct review that I pretty much agree with in its entirety, and also I commented a few times around the post, and so you could bounce around there or read this (or, if you're obsessed like me, do both!).

( acting! )

( directing, and general feel of the film )

Okay, time for some ranting! Let's see, what were my original complaints...

with the exception of one needless, pointless, stupid scene in the middle, the regular casting fail, some upsetting dialogue changes, and the fact that the last scene cut me to the core in a typical Steve-Kloves-is-a-bitch way

( YOU CAN'T BU--MMMPHRGHMPHG--OW )

( Snape, Snape, Severus Snape, Snape, Snape, Severus Snape (Dumbledore!) )

( And let the record say that I did call him an ass )

So, in summary: as I watched the movie, I loved it, aside from a few minor quibbles, and I thought that overall they did a great job capturing a lot of the stuff--but after the movie was over, especially after watching the last two or three scenes, I felt the absence of Snape and the obnoxiousness of Steve Kloves's screenplay writing (which had so many high moments in this film--at least he's learned how to adapt books?) and it's really just bringing me down.

Will probably go see it again, though.

SO WHAT DID EVERYONE ELSE THINK. Also if you wrote a review I may not have read it yet, so remind me.

OH MY GOD

IT HAS BEEN OVER A YEAR SINCE I READ THE QUEEN OF ATTOLIA

( brief mutterings about 'strong' female characters )

Also, this time around? The parallels of Gen's and Attolia's insomnia. Will be trying to form some sort of thoughts about this.

TIME FOR NOTORIOUS

although I am seriously tempted to turn this into my Enchanted rant because srsly y'all I just can't bring myself to love that movie EDWARD DESERVED BETTER OKAY maybe I would love it more if a) I cared about Robert a.5) I didn't get so upset at the way they just dump Nancy I mean Edward had only known Giselle for a day fine but Nancy had been waiting on that ring for HOW LONG? and b) I didn't love Sleeping Beauty so much you know what? I AM PERFECTLY HAPPY WITH THE PRINCE SAVING THE GIRL. AND WITH THE GUY AND THE GIRL GETTING TOGETHER. It's ridiculous, of course, but it's also quite lovely. P.S. I care more about what happens to Edward than I do about what happens to Robert.

Anyway that's not even a taste of the Enchanted rant (part of me wants to investigate how to turn said rant into an academic article, but anyway), this is the Star Trek post! 'cause I went to see it today! With my family! First we were going to go see it at 3:15, but then like WHOA THE SCREEN, IT WAS SO BIG and there was only room for us on like the second row and MY EYES, THEY DON'T SEE THE WAY THEY NEED TO for sitting that close. Malone and Mum were actually heading towards motion sickness, sooooooooo we went to a later showing instead. And frankly we still sat a little too close for that one too, but oh well, at least I could watch it. Also

Dear Movie Theatres of America,
There are still some people in this world who have sensitive ears and who haven't blown them out listening to iPods and who really don't like having them pounded for two straight hours because of unnecessarily high decibles.
Love,
Jade

yes I am an old woman shut up.

ANYWAY THE MOVIE.

( things I was spoiled for and my reactions to them )

( things that bothered me )

( things I liked! )

( final thoughts )




IN OTHER NEWS

actually first relating to Star Trek I ought to do a post about movies that "revitalize" franchises and what that means.

secondly MY BIRTHDAY PRESENTS, I NEED TO TAKE PICTURES AND SHOW THEM TO YOU quarkie I am so self-conscious about my picture because like dude how do I explain to my family who's in it but OMG HE'S TAKING HER PINS OUT OF HER HAIR *melts into a giant puddle of goo*

thirdly Carth Onasi is probably my most favorite romantic interest in a game EVER and I want to play KOTOR 1.5: The Game Where You're Revan Wandering For Four Years. Because it could totally link up with the end of KOTOR II and make it all better (Atton you are so totally Dustil in my head it is not even funny).

fourthly Malone is totally with me on the Sam's Town Zutara Movie now if only I had something other than Windows Movie Maker oh yeah if only I had all the episodes.

finally omg so much f-list to read y'all I'm reading and thinking about y'all even if I'm not commenting.

LOTS OF LOVE,
Jade

GOD DAMNIT ARTEMIS.

That pretty sums up my feelings about the whole book, as penguinkye will testify.  I loved it, obviously.  It was a lot like the last one in terms of last-minute wait-what-the-hell-oh-God-no-you-can't-be-serious plot twists (and not too last minute, I mean I could physically see how much more of the book there was to go, but geeze).  It is an incredible, fun, fast-paced novel, just like all the others, and the characters...the characters...

GOD DAMNIT ARTEMIS

the characters are, as usual, awesome.  I love the Artemis Fowl books because they're well-written (the occasional comma splice, but you get used to it), incredibly funny (including potty humor which, at this point, has become funny because of sheer character connection), and guaranteed to take you for a fun ride.  I highly, highly, HIGHLY recommend going to the library and getting them and reading them.  Or, heck, buying them.

Also, I still want to know where Eoin Colfer gets all this time to travel and stuff.  rowana, if you ever meet him again, ask him for me, okay?  Or...wait...*scurries off to website*

See, I bought The Time Paradox right after it came out.  I paid $17.99 for this book.  I never buy books wholeprice unless I have a giftcard to (damnit, I did have a giftcard to burn, I just now realize) burn, but I love Artemis Fowl THAT MUCH.  A brief listing of my affections for them:

Artemis Fowl is love.  Just pure, twelve-year-old genius vs. fairy love.
Artemis Fowl:  The Arctic Incident is CRAZY TIMES IN SIBERIA love.  Also Holly is pretty in a black-widow kind of way.
Artemis Fowl:  The Eternity Code was, for the longest time, the last book, and it is such a satisfying last book too, which says a lot for it.  (Also I got it while waiting for Goblet of Fire to come out.)
Artemis Fowl:  Opal Deception was the surprise, the HOMG WHAT NEW BOOK?  It is not as good as the previous three, because Eoin Colfer (who is the author, btws) had a bit of trouble with the two different kinds of Artemises he had.  I have only read it once (versus multiple times on all the others).
Artemis Fowl:  Lost Colony is HOMG SUPERFANTASTIC OMG LOVE.  I was a bit wary of getting it after the disappointment of Opal Deception, but in this one, Artemis is back in all his glory.  I LOVE this novel.

Which leads me to Artemis Fowl:  The Time Paradox
( cut for spooooooooooooooooooooilers )

(subtitled: Today Is Not That Day)

Every.  Time.

Every time I think, "Oh, I'll see if there's anything new that's worth reading in the HP section of fanfiction.net."

Every time I foolishly wander over to look.

And EVERY DAMN TIME I COME ACROSS A DRAMIONE FIC.

(edit:  Disclaimer:  This is what I found, just on the first page of HP fanfiction in general.  It's titled "Waiting for You" and the summary reads “This might come as a shock to you, but I’m going to say it anyway.” He took a big breathe and then exhaled. “I want you to marry me.”  Clearly I still have a lesson to learn about clicking on stories with typos in the summaries, but still.  It was just an innocent, curious click! /edit)

PEOPLE.  GET OVER YOURSELVES.  AND STOP PUTTING THEM TOGETHER.
I mean, you don't even have the slash thing going for you ("but I slash everything that moves together!"  well, fine, you're still insane, but at least there's a name for it.  "Even Worf/Spot?"  NO.  GET YOUR SICKO MIND AWAY FROM THE INTERNET).  You're just...putting together two characters...who have less than any chemistry.  Or a chance.  You're worse than the Harmonians.  I mean, honestly.  Geeze. 

Okay, I ship Draco/Ginny, which may not be canon either, but at least it hasn't been completely anhiliated by canon.  I don't think it would ever happen, but there's the slightest possibility that maybe it might happen.  Plus, Ginny's character is fieryredheadtemper+Harrythinksshe'shot, so there's a lot more speculation there.

But Hermione?  Hermione and Draco?  It's like trying to write a fic in which Ron is not only accepting that Ginny and Draco get together, but where he's also downright excited because hey, he always wanted Draco for a brother!  Do you see my point?  IT'S JUST NOT POSSIBLE.  (Unless you're an idiot and managed to completely misinterpret the books which, hey, if you're shipping Dramione, there's a chance of that happening.)

I mean, I'll sort of put up with the Harmonians, because they're just enslaved delusional clinging onto some idea that hey, when you first start reading the books, if you somehow missed the Ron/Hermione chemistry, you might think the hero would get the main girl, and it's happened elsewhere, so maybe if you somehow missed the anvils it could happen.  I still disagree with them, but there's toleration, and of course, the dreaded pity.  (I don't pity the ones who left the series because they felt JKR betrayed them, though.  Leave the series because Hermione went wacko in HBP, not because the author had a plan in mind that disagreed with yours.)

But Dramionians?  They just look "OH PROTAGONIST AND ANTAGONIST THAT ALWAYS WORKS OUT" except it just doesn't.  There is nowhere, in all of the books, the slightest hint of proof that Hermione and Draco would ever get along.  And not just romantically; platonically, they're not suited for each other.  Hermione looks down on Draco because he's a bully and Draco looks down on Hermione because she's a Mudblood.  Seeing as she's not going to be able to change that, it would require drastic character change on Draco's part for them even to be able to approach each other.  I mean, Hermione's been dealing with bullies her whole life; she's a smart kid who gets ostracized because of her zeal.  She is never going to warm to Draco until he stops being such a jackass.  And while that might happen, it's not going to be for a long time, and by then she'll have married Ron.  Because they do have chemistry, and they are friends, and while he might be a prat she is attracted to him and thus they are together.

I generally like to think of myself as not a shiphater, but I manage that by avoiding other people's ships.  I mean, I ship some weird things, mostly for experimental writing value (or really hot smex good authors), and so I try to be open-minded to other people's ideas.  And many of my ships are not canon, because I do like things that explore different characters--but the exploration must have some canonical basis.  I ship Zuko and Katara because hey, you start with their canon characters, you build on it, and you could end up with a relationship--based on who they are as people.  Same with Kakasaku--they might not be together in canon, but once she growns up, you can take Kakashi the genius Copy Ninja and Sakura the really smart nurse, and throw them in a room together, and they'll talk, and maybe something could blossom.

If you threw Hermione and Draco in a room together, Draco would end up petrified on the floor, unless he's miraculously able to cast Avada Kedavra on her first (no, I don't think he'd have qualms about killing her, like he did about Dumbledore--well, maybe, but certainly not about Cruciating her).  Maybe, maybe, if I were to find a really good author who wrote a post-Hogwarts fic, started out with a canonical treatment of the characters, made them grow in believable ways, and then brought them together, I would respect it.

But while Draco and Hermione are at Hogwarts--and I can say this now especially since we have six books out about their time there together--there is no chance in hell that they would ever get together.  Ever.  Period.  And that goes beyond the fact that we have documentation of what was going on during those six years, and thus it's a pretty safe bet nothing happened.  It goes down to how they've interacted, and more importantly, who they are as characters.

Wow.  I ranted on about that a lot longer than I intended to.  Recently I've discovered that I can still discuss Harry Potter at great lengths without even having to gear myself up for it.  It must be more deeply ingrained on my brain than I realized.

*wanders off to find some Snape/Narcissa*